四十四天

Mayb I duno how 2coax anyone.. I slapped myself & told myself I shld haf juz keep my mouth shut.. But why am I bein punished for wat a BASTARD did.. Tt same bastard tt took my genuine concern & threw it in a bin years ago.. 2me, she's non existence.. My back is hurtin like hell since last nite.. Hurt so bad I couldnt turn my neck.. De last time I suffered like tt, Didi & Kat bought me 2a sinseh.. Nw it's hauntin me again, damn bad.. How am I 2slp 2nite.. Stomach upset all day.. Cos of work, I dun dare 2eat all day.. Nvm.. Really really nvm.. I shall go shower & clam myself down.. AGGGHHHHHHHH....

P/S: Who is de fucker who invented de word "watever".. I really hate u.. LOL..

Baby不在我身边的第四十三天

Dun play games with me.. Cos u no longer hold de chips.. Rem how badly u lost de last time u tried.. So dun try.. I'm no longer de person u used 2knw.. All thx 2u..

De dish I learn at de cookin lesson..
Self instinct + Est idea on tis dish.. End up even ah po like it..
Escargot frm NTUC..
Ritz Carlton.. Dessert..

Seafood..
Hohoho.. Black Pepper Crab.. My fav..

Foie Gras.. Fav too!!
Salads, Foie Gras, Scallop..

Est & Me..
Est & Me.. Plus Jovi in de BG.. LOL
De 3Tangsss..
Ju & Me..
Ju & Me Again..

Baby不在我身边的第四十二天

I thot I would disappear 4a long time.. But I aint.. But I'm happy once again.. I tink I really need 2b more sensitive @times.. I shld remind myself tt.. Anyway, postin sm pic of de food I cooked tt day & Ju's belated bday celebration at Ritz carlton "Green House" 2day evenin.. We ate a 3hrs buffet.. I din eat any bread, rice or noodles.. Only stick 2de black pepper crab(lotsssss), mussels(abit), butter prawn(average amt), Foie Gras (7tiny cups), scallop (abit), walnut ice cream(2scopes)..

我找不到自己的平衡点。也许我。。。

Baby不在我身边的第四十一天

• Shldn't haf allowed myself 2get carried away 2much.. I was so excited about certain stuff & I overlooked other's feelin.. Mayb I'm 2self centred.. Sigh.. Not mayb.. I am..
• Juz felt tt certain $ can be avoided den we shldn't waste it unnessery.. I planned 2do smtg else long ago.. De outstandin amt plus a little bit more could easily fulfil tt dream of mine.. Now.... I duno again..
• Heart sank rock bottom, felt smtg stuck in my thraot..
• Havent felt like slpin so badly for a long time & tis minute, I wish I could juz fall aslp..
• Shld I go tuition 2mrw? Duno.. Wake up den decide ba.. Suddenly damn lazy 2work..
• De Tampines student is pendin waitin 4my reply.. My health havent been gd tis whole mth.. Shld I really take it up? Inside I feel I really shld.. Sigh.. Lost..
• Mayb I shld tink lesser & be abit more bo chap like Est bunny den I wont pressure others or myself.. Cos I really dino I could b such a pain in de neck.. LOL..

P/S: Pple.. I'm sick but am not too bad, so dun need 2keep smsin me 2ask, I'm lazy 2reply.. LOL.. If u read tis, den u'll knw I'm stil alive.. And thx 4puttin tt on yr mind, I knw tt requires alot of effort.. Dun waste time.. Actually, contridictinly.. I like it.. Makes me feel important.. I'm a H.U.M.A.N. aft all.. Hahahahaha..

Good nite world.. Haf a good slp..

Baby不在我身边的第三十八天

Mm.. 2mrw is my cookin class.. Haha.. I'm all prepared & am puttin Bernard on Sat instead so tt I can come back earlier 2attend my 1st "lesson".. And.. I wanna try 2bake cheese mussels.. Thot bb might like it but I got a tiny "naggin" frm her sayin tt seafood & cheese shld nv be mixed.. But nvm lah.. U can stil try it lah.. But I'm sure Est & Ju will LOVE it.. Hehe.. We've been missin it since duno wen.. So, nw I'm gonna do it.. Weird hor? I also find myself v weird.. But I wan my bb 2b a xin fu de nu ren my next trip der.. Juz wait 4me 2cook.. >.<

DiFeLic HK trip is almost 50%confirm, nw only de airticket & hotel which I will settle next month.. We're gonna haf a special countdown.. We've sm plans wen bb come back.. I definately dun1 2rob her time with her family.. I dun mind meetin late at nite.. Anyway, we're goin 2HK & I'm seein u in March again.. So no worries.. Juz tok 2me on de phone on & off can alr.. Local calls are cheaper den overseas.. *wink* Am missin u especially much 2nite.. Keep havin flashback of not rememberin 2brin my ID & u got so piss.. Den de scene wen I was helpin u cook.. De scene of makin u supper wen ur burnin midnight lamps..............

Baby不在我身边的第三十七天

Had a haircut 2day, was determine 2tell de hairstylist, cut it all away.. Den my sms came in & I saw my HP background.. I wanted 2try keep Stephie hair 4Bb de.. Den I melt & change my mind.. Juz trim.. LOL.. Called bb 2tell her tis but she's 2engross in her show so nvm lah.. See how next month, if it's ugly den I cut it away.. I go watch TV nw..

Baby不在我身边的第三十六天

Haven't blog 4days.. Was 2tired & sick past few days.. Ju vomited, Jovi vomited.. Wat's wrong huh? Why is every1 sick? Weather ba.. Rained damn heavily tis few days.. I carried umbrella 4de past few days also kenna 1/3drenched.. If not, de sun is so scorchin hot like it's all out 2melt sm skin kind.. Phoof

I made bb sad.. Sigh.. Blame it on my insensitivity.. I missed bb 2much & sm misunderstandin.. Anyway, 4de 1st time in my life, I'm learnin cookin frm Est.. Juz wat am I doin? *scratch head* Yesssss.. *drags* U din read wrongly, FeL's learnin cookin.. LOL.. Nvm tt, my 1st lesson is tis Thurs, learnin hw to cook spaghetti w a v special base.. Dun tell u wat it is.. wait & taste.. But I'll improvise it, alr haf sm ideas in mind wat 2put inside >.<

Bb.. U're my princess, my queen, my everytg.....

Played with Sg pool 2nite, I alr stopped de bkie side damn long ago.. Anyway, with $50 in my poolconnect account, I accumulate until $188 nw.. Weee.. So happy.. Thx 2Liverpool ZERO goal.. I bet $15 & won $120.. De rest of de $60 was Esther instinct (won $5) & a tipster frm de website who said buy middlebroth exact score 1-1 & I threw $10 in.. Weee.. It's a gd mornin 2start with.. Really good mornin.. I shall withdraw $100 out & maintain a less den $50 in my acc.. Hope sg pool dun find me irritatin, 4ever withdrawin $100.. Haha.. But I tink it's safer 2not put too much in de account..

P/S: De sky is stil dark at 7am, shld be rainin soon.. Wish bb is in my arms nw, I could nv bear 2stop kissin her.. *dreamy*

Baby不在我身边的第三十一天

• Popo is back frm China.. She look pretty happy.. =)
• 2mrw is overnight MJ again.. Tis time Ju is joinin force with me..
• Bb's display make my heart raced.. She said she hope we last.. Tis is de 1st time.. =) I feel really really happy frm inside & I wish I could shout out at de top of my voice 4de happiness in me is uncoverable.. Wish I could fly over & see bb now.. But I'll wait till HK 4countdown & Adelaide again next March if I can..
• I promise BB that I will get my drivin license before she graduate & come back.. >.<

==============

I was too lazy to start a new post so I added tis in at 6.55am.. I'm still over de moon by wat Bb said.. I juz made breakfast4 every1, includin Yati, Ah Yi, Ju, Est.. Hopefully after they ate my egg sandwich, they'd haf a wonderful day juz like me.. Feel like spreadin my happiness bug throu de food I made.. Woooo Hoo..

BB..... I..... L.....O.....V.....E..... U.....

Baby不在我身边的第三十天

I've officially added Alan into my MSN.. I told him that I'm a lesbian & I'm lovin my BB who's studyin far far away.. He's cool about it & I really enjoy his philosophy 2wards life so I added him.. I'm feelin really positive tis days & really happy about everytg.. I knw tt as long as I tink tgs throu, I'm on my feet again..

Baby say she misses me.. Her words are like magic.. Make my night so good >.<

Had butter crab 4diner, ah yi cook de.. Not bad.. Friday is party night.. Will be out all night long.. Bb keep assurin me that she like de phone.. Mm.. My taste improve yeah? Sent Bb an sms.. I must haf been crazy & I really duno wat I was tinkin wen I sent tt sms out.. It is....... Errrr.... Pretty sexy wen I send it.. But it's de 1st time I send tis kinda sms wor.. *blush*

P/S: SyL.. I respect yr decision.. Juz take gd care of yrself & I will miss u..

Baby不在我身边的第二十八天

这个星期有种被宠坏的感觉。每天起床，放工回家都有人在 facebook,MSN,sms 上留言。大家都在问我头痛好了没，喉咙还在痛吗？好笑的是这三个人都是男人。

Alec (SMS, MSN & call me every 3-4hrs ask if I’m ok, wanna brin me 2see a doctor or not.. A little naggy but thx anyway..)
Sumnong (Nepal guy I tink? Know him 3mths ago from facebook, but we’re only exchanging mail)
Alan (know him last week & I dun even know where he pop out from or how he found me.. He leaves me facebook msg every 3-5hrs askin me 2update him if I’m feelin beta.. A very nice guy BUT I’m not fallin for him.. Maybe I might befriend him in real life.. That’s all..)

被人关心的感觉真的好好，被人重视的感觉更好。虽然我所要的关心不是来自他们，但还是会开心。今天上下班都有人接送，也没那么辛苦，但头痛还是很糟。是怎么了？身体最近真差劲。想念着熟睡的BB，希望明天睁开眼睛的她会开开心心的过一天属于她的假日。享受完被人宠，现在是我留言给BB的时候了。晚安！

Mm.. Do I really such a bad record in de past? Well.. I loved tis person 4 6yrs, it was only becos my tolerence ran out 4de status tg & de 2timin tg tt made me leave once & 4all.. Gimme sm face lah.. Everytime I said I'm different, everyone laugh in my face.. I'm not angry thou.. Juz curious if I was really such a person in everyone's mind..

P/S: I suddenly haf tis flashback in my head that if there is a vote castin among my frens.. I tink only SyL will stand on my side of de bank & de rest will stand on de other side.. SyL.. I'm missin u & yes.. I remember we're goin 4coffee.. I'll arrange & see wen ur free k.. >.<

Baby不在我身边的第二十七天

• Ju was poundin madly on de sand with a hoe & refuse 2haf any1 helpin her.. I knw she's ventin out de frustration in her..
• I walked away so tt no1 would see tt I'm gonna tear.. My heart was twitchin madly..
• A hole was dug.. It was juz nice..
• I touched de cold body, Ju kissed it gd bye & tears rolled down our face..
• Ju, Est & me used our bare hand 2pour de sand in..

End of sufferin mayb a gd tg 2u.. Rest in peace bit bit..

Baby不在我身边的第二十六天

Baby got her gift already.. Hehe.. Bb like it alot.. Hao Kai Xin oh.. I haven't slpt for more den 24hrs, feels like I'm on estacy now.. Ju say she consider puttin de rabbit 2slp.. Sigh.. My heart..

Sherry's comin down frm Sydney 2visit me next week with her crew, we've lost contact 4so so so long.. It was gd we met again on my way 2Adelaide.. U din change much I promise.. =) Look forward 2haf a long chat with u again.. So much happened all these years.. I can't wait 2tell u & I'm facin so much stress lately.. Phoof..

Ok.. Why am I havin so many posts today???!!! Cos my mood is like a roller coaster lah.. Suddenly my mood is really good.. Gd on de inside but can't seem to smile de outside.. Wen was de last time I actually smile frm deep within? Wen I was in Aus ba.. Anyway, Singpost site redelivered de present for me & status says "delivered".. I hope bb got de present alr & her mood is beta den de past few days.. =) Smile k.. >.< Love u bb.. And thx singpost..

我曾经不懂得爱你。
我曾经一脚踏两船。
我曾经没耐性的说你。
我曾经不懂得怎样哄你。
我曾经心不在焉的听你讲电话。
我曾经不懂得在你哭的时候好好的哄你。

第一次我自我彻彻底底的反省。
我由衷地向曾经被我欺负过的人说声对不起，真的，真的，真的对不起。
也许我一向来被人捧上天，所以我不知道自己其实真的很混蛋。
也许我现在改变对有些人是无关紧要的，但我告诉我自己我不会再这样了。
SyL, Kat, Zann.. I'm sorry.. I really am..

洋葱 - Yang Zhong Wei

如果你眼神能够为我 片刻的降临
如果你能听到 心碎的声音
沉默的守护着你 沉默的等奇迹
沉默的让自己 像是空气

大家都吃着聊着笑着 今晚多开心
最角落里的我 笑得多合群
盘底的洋葱像我 永远是调味品
偷偷的看着你 偷偷的隐藏着自己

如果你愿意一层一层一层 的剥开我的心
你会发现 你会讶异 你是我 最压抑 最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层 的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸 你会流泪
只要你能 听到我 看到我的全心全意

听你说你和你的他们 暧昧的空气
我和我的绝望 装得很风趣
我就像一颗洋葱 永远是配角戏
多希望能与你 有一秒 专属的剧情

如果你愿意一层一层一层 的剥开我的心
你会发现 你会讶异 你是我 最压抑 最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层 的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸 你会流泪
只要你能 听到我 看到我的全心全意

Baby不在我身边的第二十四天

Yday was a terrible day.. 2day isn't too smooth a day 2start with either.. I'm filled with frustration & I tink I really need 2do smtg 2let it out cos it feels like smtg is stuck in my throat.. Can I go thrash de wall now? It's accumulatin & it's not gd.. I shall shout but dun work normally.. Agggghhhh... FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.............

Anyway, Singpost failed me or is it de Australia post.. De gift failed 2deliver.. I wonder it's cos it's a registered mail & no1 sign it tt's why.. I feel like a retard cos I actually wrote wat I'm givin bb on my blog days ago.. Wat de hell.. How stupid can I get? HOW STUPID????!!!

P/S: I felt de distant in yr voice 2day.. Hao Yuan... Hao Yuan...

我怀念的 - Sun Yan Zi

我問為什么那女孩傳簡訊給我 而你為什么不解釋低著頭沉默
我該相信你很愛我不愿意敷衍我 還是明白你已不想挽回什么
想問為什么我不再是你的快樂 可是為什么卻苦說我都懂了
自尊常常將人拖著把愛都走曲折 假裝了解是怕真相太赤裸裸
狼狽比失去難受

我怀念的是無話不說 我怀念的是一起做夢
我怀念的是爭吵以后還是想 要愛你的沖動
我記得那年生日 也記得那一首歌 記得那片星空
最緊的右手 最暖的胸口 誰記得 誰忘了

想問為什么我不再是你的快樂 可是為什么卻苦笑說我都懂了
自尊常常將人拖著把愛都走曲折 假裝了解是怕真相太赤裸裸
狼狽比失去難受

我怀念的是無話不說 我怀念的是一起做夢
我怀念的是爭吵以后還是想 要愛你的沖動
我記得那年生日也記得那一首歌 記得那片空
最緊的右手 最暖的胸口 誰忘了

我怀念的是無言感動 我怀念的是絕對炙熱
我怀念的是你很激動求我原諒抱的我都痛
我記得你在背后 也記得我顫抖著 記得感覺洶涌
最美的煙火最長的相擁 誰愛的太自由 誰過頭太遠了
誰要走我的心 誰忘了那就是承諾 誰自顧自地走誰忘了看著我
誰讓愛變沉重 誰忘了要給你溫柔

(我怀念的) 我還有想要愛你的沖動
我記得那年生日 也記得那一首歌 記得那片星空
最緊的右手最暖的胸口 我放手 我讓座 假洒脫 誰懂我多么不舍得
太愛了 所以我 沒有哭 沒有說

Baby不在我身边的第二十二天

1st time I see my neighbour who moved in 3months ago.. My maid couldn't understand their accent so ask me 4help.. Juz found out they're Aussie.. I'm always esp "fated" to meet all de Aussie pple or pple who study in Aus.. Alec, Wilson (fling, Alec collegue.. Sorry lah, always targetin at yr collegue.. *wink*), Sherry(fling, another Alec collegue.. Sorry babe.. Dun be offended alrite.. U're de most gorgeous blondie I ever knw.. I din come out frm my closet at tt time, so..... LOL), Trina, Bao Bei..

Anyway, their house has an electric shock & all de lights went out.. Her son(probably 5-6yrs old) was sooooooooo cute lah.. He came & stood beside me den intro his own name & held my hand.. So so so cute I wanna give him a kiss.. But cannot lah.. Daughter is WOW pretty.. Curly blonde hair.. Phew.. Surely a babe wen she gets older.. i shall go get sm slp, workin at 3.30pm later..

En De & Gavin ask me go kao tis model with big boobs who's les, ask me date her til Dec & they'll keep quiet about it.. DEVILS!!! Esther, yr fren ah?!! Tsk Tsk Tsk.. Bad role model.. Bb's pressie is in de transit centre, shld reach bb's hand by 2mrw ba.. Hehe.. So excited.. Will she like it?

Baby不在我身边的第二十天

Finally done with bb's gift, was playin w it all day.. Sent it out 2day at de post office, exceeded by 8-g & I had to pay $15 more.. -_-"" Ass.. Anyway, I'm so excited, hope she's happy with de pressie.. Cost me $300++.. She guessed it right several times, but I nv tell her.. She'll get it on Thurs, I'll post de pressie on Thurs mornin.. I love de tg after I use it 4a day yday.. But not de kinda phone I'll use, I'm more de silver color kind.. Haha.. Ask me buy 4myself, I wont.. Wait till my contract finish den I go buy those $0 phone one.. >.<

Neoprints which cost A$16 each.. I like de last pic most..

Baby不在我身边的第十八天

Aquarius,
You'll be very undecided and insecure, and will try to get advice from a relative. At work, you'll have to suppress the desire to ruin everything because of an unexpected obstacle that will take a good part of your enthusiasm. In Love, don't let nostalgia weigh you down. Focus on the present.

Somehow I feel part of it is quite true but not totally.. Was writin about smtg like tt in my diary book.. A very contridictin day.. A whole lot of mix feelins inside me causin me 2haf insomia now.. Feel so damn tired.. Can't feel my body.. But I juz can't slp.. Gotta get up in 5hrs 2work.. Sunday is my off day, shld I go out & club or juz slp all day? I duno.. Anyone any suggestions? >.<

Baby不在我身边的第十六天

Bought bb smtg cos I feel like pamperin her.. >.< She had been payin 4most of de calls since I came back & I feel so bad about it.. I hope u like de gift, I ran around 2find one.. It's not smtg very man tis time.. *wink* Juz feel tt u shld haf it cos wen I saw it, I like it.. U juz said smtg last nite & I was glad cos it's really close to smtg u wan.. Haha.. Love u bb.. Wish I could gif it 2u personally.. Wish u could gimme a kiss wen u get it.. Wanna see tt smile of yours.. Wanna walk u 2school holdin yr hands & haf a gdbye kiss again.. I miss huggin u everywhere I go & kiss u 2slp every nite.. Everytg is in my head.. Dun worry.. I'm missin u 24/7.. Nv haf u slip outta my mind.. I juz miss u so much.. So much.. So much..