Yday, went 2pick Syl at 6pm at her Pasir Ris hm.. Her maid gave her crap again.. Sigh.. So poor tg.. So much abt her family tg has made her so unhappy.. Rain was sooo heavy sia.. Wen we reach East Coast, it wasn't rainin but we stil choose 2sit inside.. Den suddenly it rained.. We were like lookin at the menu den choose & choose & choose.. In the end, so many dish came.. By the time we finish the starter, we were so full.. Haha.. She din wanna eat cheese but she cant help it.. Haha.. *pinchin yr nose* Silly gal.. Dun deprive yrself frm food, juz eat an appropriate amt, thou we ate too much liao.. But it's yr BIRTHDAY!!! We eat & eat den we sat there to relax.. Dedicate sm song 4d ah pek singer 2sing.. Haha.. Sly keep laffin over my comment.. Great 2see u smile.. Great 2knw tt I took yr troubles away & bought back sm smiles tt very moment.. Felt so warm inside u knw.. *grinzzz*

Oh yah.. I gave her a whole bottle of lollipops.. Haha.. U say u like it one last time.. She's like wah.. Haha.. Went K box in Toa Payoh aft tt.. Got a bottle of tequila.. Drink til quite high, nv do tt so long liao man.. Bryan & BJ came.. Haha.. We left K box ard 12+ den on a bench til ard 2+.. We went toilet den aft on our way back to the bench, she hugged me & gave me a kiss on the cheeks.. I was in shock kind.. My face was numb frm d alcohol yet, I felt the warm kiss.. *blush* Wah hahaha.. Cant see the blush cos my cheeks were alr v rosy.. Thx Syl.. Silly gal.. Cant wait 4nxt Tues 2c u again.. Cant wait.. Cant wait.. Cant wait!!! Can I turn the clock?? Anyway, the show *Blood brothers* by Andy Lau & Jacky Chan hor.. I've been wantin 2c it leh.. Den thx 2u, I can watch it 1st hand.. Can I gif u a kiss wen I see u 4tt?? Haha.. *stickin out my tongue* Wink..

Tk a break frm work.. Can't wait4 Thurs.. So look forward.. Finally can meet her.. =o) Sigh.. I'm beta off s les.. Heart stil beat 4gals.. Why is time sooo slow ah??! LOL.. Shld I cut my hair?? Kinda messy..

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Alr damn slpy.. Dunno how 2last til 2mrw 9pm w/o slp.. No choice lah huh.. Gonna make sm coffee.. Yawn.. Slp tight folks!! Yawn.. Miss u Syl.. Hope u'r slpin soundly.. =o)

I've finally decided 2put everytg down & I'm not turnin back anymore.. Mm.. 1st time I said tis words in 3yrs.. Cos 4me, wen I say it means I'll do it.. Wont waste my time smsin her also since she dun1 2reply.. But still.. I'll stand by her wen she needs me as a fren.. Ling sms me at 12+am askin me how am I? Am I feelin beta? I told her.. *Dun worry.. I wont bother pple abt it anymore.. It's my own affair.. I'll face it myself.. I'll stand up frm where I fell.. Cos I choose tis path which was wrong.. I'm gonna make it right myself too..* Ling reply was *Gd 4u.. Hu Ran Fa Xian Dao Ni Bian Jian Qiang Le.. U must knw wat's worth 2put in effort in life & wats not..* Glad tt she cares abt me anyway.. She's happily att, why shld I shed another tear & waste it? Haha.. I dun hate her, juz tt I tink des sm1 else who's worth my time & energy 2change tt tear into a smile 4her.. =o) Destiny haf alr appointed a path 4me, I'll tk it & I wont force tgs 2happen again.. Frankly speakin, a bad experience wil make us stronger.. So many yrs, I had nv felt myself so brave, so clear minded before.. Yet I'm happy I felt tis way.. Those who r nice 2me, I'll b triple nice 2them too.. Those who r not, I'll juz leave it behind & move on..

Went 2meet Raine, Don & Francine at 3pm.. Den play tennis at the condo.. Cool sia.. They were like.. Wah.. How come u play so well.. Hehe.. Felt so proud of myself.. After that I went to play basketball.. Kao.. Whole day damn shiok sia.. Exercise non stop.. Den I msg Syl b4 my basketball.. Wanted 2pick her frm work but she's not workin.. Den I sms her 2nd X aft b ball.. But I was pounderin 4a while kind, scared later she's workin den jia liat sia.. But she replied my 2nd sms & say she nv receive d 1st & she's w her sis.. I was happy thou.. My blues for the whole day went off like a puff.. Haha.. So kua zhang..

At ard 8pm, we headed 4hougang plaza 4d western food.. Hehe.. Aft that we went upstairs 2play pool frm 10+pm til 2+am.. Inbtwn Francine had 2leave.. But Don's 2sis came.. Wah.. Damn pro man the 3of them.. But I pick up 1hr later while Lorraine was stil strugglin.. I even won can.. Ah hahahaha.. So comical kind.. Raine.. Dun jealous.. My luck is juz slightly beta den u.. Ard 1+am, Syl called.. I was like so shock kind.. Wah.. Did I see wrongly?? Ask me where I was den we chat as I play.. Suddenly, I shot 3balls in 1shot den my partner is like *continue tokin & continue bein so acurate..* Den tis dumb ass Lorraine kp askin who is it? Den tease me upside down kind.. They're real fun 2be with sia..

P/S: Many of my frens are complainin tt they cant see my blog due 2d password.. It shld b due 2settings lah.. Ok lor.. I xi sheng.. I take out the password lor.. ~blah blah blah~

Initially, I set up tis blog 4my frens 2b updated & 4her 2read abt my feelins.. But she nv did.. She only read it once is all I knw.. She probably can't even rem my password.. How funny.. Gd also lah.. It's only here tt I can write & speak all I wan.. The only place I dun hafta hide.. I went 2East Coat Wednesday nite.. Got into trouble w police but who cares.. Stil dare 2ask me hang up my call..

Chat w a long time fren on ICQ & she shot me 1sentence which woke me up totally.. *She dun love u anymore, she loves sm1 else*.. Tis few days was terrible.. I made a firm decision.. I purposely say tgs 2piss her off.. Make her damn angry w me.. Lies which she choose 2believe.. Lies.. And she believe.. She believe u knw?? Haha.. Tt hurts sia.. Juz shows that she doesn't knw me well at all.. Or she choose 2believe tt I'm sm1 like tt.. Haha.. How sad can tt be huh? 3yrs & she nv realise tt I've suddenly change.. She din find it weird also.. But I wanted it tis way.. It's gd 4her 2hate me, I rather it works tt way.. Den she dun hafta feel bad 2wards me & can play all she wans..

Pls dun scold me for bein silly.. I dunnno how many pple said tt alr.. I choose tis painful solution cos I dun wanna haf any turnin back also.. I wanted 2dash all my hopes 1shot.. My future gf can feel more secure too.. She can b happy too.. 1 lesser burden on her tinkin tt she had let me down.. I dun wanna be a burden2 any1 anymore.. Nobody wil see d upset side of me again.. 2all the pple who had been so concern abt me.. Lorraine, thx tokin 2me wenever I need sm1 2tok 2, which is like practically everyday.. Ah hahaha.. JuJu, my dearest sis.. Thx 4spendin a whole nite w me.. Anggie.. I'm sorry, I made use of yr name & thx 4bein der too.. SamSam & Jyran.. Thx for tryin so hard 2cheer me up.. SylSyl.. Thx 4meetin me d v 1st nite I was down.. Eden.. Thx 4listenin 2my sob thou I knw u're v down w yr r/s s well.. Every1.. I m very silly.. But I'm stil d FeL FeL u guys knw.. Des no way any1 can change it.. I wish every1 happiness.. Smiles.. And.. Zhen Xi Yan Qian Ren.. Dun b a failure like me.. LOL..

Hurts so much to know tt she's so upset each time I read her blog.. Wish I could ease her pain.. Give her a massage or smtg.. Nv in my life have I so wanna see her.. LOL.. She has too much on her shoulder.. Sigh.. Hopefully can meet for yr bday nxt wk Syl.. Miss u.. Take care k.. Drown yrself w water & DUN take so much lozengers.. They wont haf any effect if u take too much.. U told me tt yrself..

Trina say she's att.. Mm.. Wat can I say? My grandpa's brother past away.. Sigh.. Was still hopin he will get well.. Feelin extremely down.. I'm going to the beach now.. So wil write again..

Juz came hm & I bump into my mum in the kitchen.. LOL.. She nv ask anytg anyway.. Met Sam, Est & Ju ard 10.30pm at Happy Daze.. My horoscope was tellin me *In love, you will live happy moments with the loved person.*.. I thot it was sm1 else but turn out to be my gd fren, Ling.. Ling msg me at 11+ & ask me go mm.. She worked til 12+.. Of course I went down.. LOL.. I had wanted 2ask her out ard 8pm++ but scared she busy.. Den she suddenly sms me..

As usual.. She hugged me all the way like a little passive but she's straight.. Keep tellin me tt she like me bein femme.. So cute kinda stuff.. Hehe.. Pple keep askin for her numb but she nv give & use me 2block kind.. Stil as cute for her age.. 28.. I'm sure she'll b popular if she's les.. She's got the american born chinese accent which drives pple bazzard.. LOL..

Anyway.. My heart skip a beat wen she hug me.. Hahaha.. She's the 1st gal I like 5yrs ago but I dun like to TRY bending straight pple.. Now, she's like sm1 I wanna care for cos she drives herself nuts over work.. Tink she wanna escape frm reality more.. LOL.. I dun dare 2love anymore.. Love is juz.. Mm.. I dunno how 2describe.. Mayb I need a break til I meet sm1 who cares den I'm ready 2settle down w her & she's ready 2settle down w me..

I had tis thot in my mind the whole day 2day.. Tis part flashed into my mind.. The time wen we parted after having breakfast 2gether & u refused 2let me send u hm.. I teared in the cab.. I once had sm1 I love & I din treasure.. It was the most.. Mm.. Hong Hong Lie Lie kinda love 4me.. But surprisingly, it wasn't with Tri.. I guess.. Every1 wanna haf those kinda feelin once in a lifetime.. I had mine, so I guess my life has been quite fruitful til now.. I ought 2tk a break.. A rest frm emotionals.. Frm the roller coaster kinda life.. I've my memories.. Which is pretty gd enough.. *smilez* Smtimes I stil cant help but missin..., but I decided not to show it anymore..

P/S: Anggie.. I'm sorry.. I knw u're nice 2me.. Super super super nice all these while.. But I'm not ready.. I really care 4u as frens & I hope it'll stay that way.. At least for now ok? For now..

Meet my ex Olivia today.. She looks so.. Oowww.. LOL.. She looks gd.. Beta den b4.. She's like a changed person.. She's much more happier now.. And I'm happy for her.. She changed sm concepts of mine abt sm stuff too.. We met at Rocky Master & we went to eat in Mache.. Had my oysters & she had tons of food.. After that we went to Paulaner cos her fren was singing in the life band.. Before leaving the pub, her friend stare at me for a while & told me *U've a really nice smile..* Haha.. So long nv hear tt liao.. So happy.. Like wanna fly kind.. I shld & wil smile more now.. Hahahaa.. Siao.. Mm.. *still flying high* Been missing sm1 too.. Havent seen her for decades & I stil got a comical eeyore infront of me.. Hope u've time for diner b4 yr bday k.. Me & my fren going KTV to make it close down on Sat.. LOL..

For the past 2wks, I was very unstable.. I couldn't figure out what I was doing.. Wanted to love sm1 but I was shut out.. I thot real hard for the past 2days.. Nv in my life haf I thot so hard abt tgs.. Sm tgs I simply give up, sm tgs I decided to try again.. Sigh.. Finally.. I've set sm goals in life.. I was too aimless before.. Only thot abt love, but nv thot abt my future.. Nv thot that havin a beta future, pple wil feel more secure w me too..

Thx for callin me almost everyday for the past 2wks, thou u fall aslp smXs.. Haha.. Dun blow yr lap top k.. I'll let nature take its course like u say, while I work hard towards my goal.. I'll get my degree.. I'll get my driving license.. I'll lose weight.. I know it's abit late but.. I still wanna try again.. It's not that I dun wanna meet u when u ask me out u knw.. I'm not ready.. I wanna make sm changes 1st ok? Thx for stil bein nice.. I shld b ready to see u in 2-3wks time.. I'm gonna start my drivin lesson nxt wk alr.. Losing weight is on the way.. Gonna enquire abt my course hopefully in 1wk.. Juz feelin damn nervous abt my drivin classes.. Phoof.. Going gym 2burn sm fats later!!

Met my new young frenz & sam at compasspoint.. All pretty young but pretty fun.. Played *true & dare* kinda tg.. They wanted to cheer me up so keep sabo-ing me.. Ask pple to kiss me kinda stuff wen it's dare & I was caught blushin once too.. Of course lah.. How can I let sm1 I juz met kiss??!! Kao.. Laff til so loud sm more.. But thx 4all the fun anyway.. LOL..

I stood outside my house for 10mins.. Lookin downstairs.. I'm a little scared of heights, yet 2nite, I juz stared blankly down.. Fortunately, I nv found the courage to jump & I thot of Anita.. Probably it's juz depression outta sudden.. Coughin so badly & I stil went gym frm 2pm-5pm yesterday.. Juz dun1 2b in the hse by myself..

Mayb it's retribution.. The other door has closed.. Probably tat's y I felt so sad no matter how much my frenz consoled me.. I wanted her shoulder so much, I dun even knw why myself.. Guess I shld juz stop msgin her in case I piss her off.. =( I knw she's got too much on her shoulder & 2busy 4me.. I really wanted 2help cos I dun1 2see her work so hard, it's very.. She won't accept it & I can understand why.. Work, mum & all is too much for her age.. Juz hope for the best for her.. And.. I miss her.. If u're readin, juz sms me if u need anytg, I'll be there k?

Raine.. Thx for the concern.. U've been so nice.. Always there wen I break down.. Sigh.. One day, u'll juz stop answerin my calls cos I too troublsome.. I can understand.. I know u'r pissed off tt I'm full of weird thots recently.. But.. Tt's juz FeL.. Tt's juz me.. I won't die yet.. I still wanna go back to Paris & UK.. =o)

Din tink I'll blog tis fast.. But I've straighten out alot of tgs.. I set a goal during the darkest hours of my life & I hope I can do it.. I'm glad I've so much pple who stil care wen I neglected them.. Thx Lydia.. 4keep callin me.. And Jovan.. Callin me immediately wen she knows I'm down.. Syl syl.. Thx 4tryin 2cheer me & Eden up last nite.. LOL.. I felt much beta 2day.. I slept finally, but stil no appitite 2eat.. Tried 2tk cereal but puke out.. Mm.. Wil eat abit later lah but nt 2much yo.. My aim is stil 2drop 8kg by end of tis wk.. =o) I did it b4 ok??!!! ;p But stil.. Thx u knw.. I'm so sorry abt how I treated u in the past.. Yet now, u're stil willin 2stand by me wen I'm so down.. So speechless & feel like slappin myself smtimes..Thx so much.. It's frm the bottom of my heart.. Hehe.. I'll allow myself 2b sad 4abit more den everytg is over.. Anita was strong too.. So how can her fans be so weak??!! Haha.. If destiny is meant 2b, it will b.. Maybe we might be 2gether again sm day.. Or I might find sm1 I love even more next time.. =o)The blog song pierce rite in2 my heart man..