Yday was gloomy & I was teary all day long.. 2hrs of tinkin a while ago & I found a new direction in watever tt I'm doin.. Where was FeL de past few days? Hibinate? Well.. Winter is over.. PMS is over.. She's back.. Wiped my tears dry & I felt really different.. An off day is doin me some good but 2mrw will be gone case ah.. Damn freakin busy.. Haha.. Who can I blame.. Every step I made is life, I choose it.. So I pulled myself outta hell & blast sm Maia's music.. Feel like dancin nw.. Woo Hoo.. 2day is a gd day & I'm meetin Ivy for sushi.. She's comin all de way from bukit batok, so.. How can I gif her a sad sad face.. But might haf 2wear my sunglass, eyes not pretty 2day.. Cannot let my best asset be de worse 2day wor.. But I'd be as blind as a mouse.. So u beta hold me.. Feel like puttin bright color font 2day.. Haha..

P/S: I love u.. I do..

Suddenly haf tis calmness sweepin over me.. Feel awake but blank & emotionless.. Mayb I shld be............ Anyway, Ivy said she's meetin me 4sushi 2nite.. YAY!! Sushi.. Haha.. Thx 4comin all de way frm de other end of sg again.. LOL.. Thx so much.. =)

Earlier 2nite, I slammed on de table wen Bernard took a pad outta my bag.. He was obviously shaken.. LOL.. I saw Bernice jumped.. Haha..

2nd part of de nite, went 2haf a drink w Alec.. Didn't tok much, I was lookin at my neoprint pic all nite.. Missin & tinkin of sm1.. Sm1..

Mayb I'm juz nt de kind who shld drag any1 into my messy life.. Yeah.. I shldn't..

Anyone free 2go out now? I'm so hyper 2nite.. Call me.. ^_^

P/S: Happy birthday SyL.. Happy Happy Birthday..

My Bao Bei studied hard last nite.. But she waited 4me 2come back 2day b4 she fell aslp.. I'm glad ur finally soundly aslp, u deserve 2rest.. Tis few days been so tired & de weather isn't helpin.. So hot tis days, feel so sticky all de time, so gross.. But no matter how tired I am tis days, I knw tt at de end of de day, u'll be waitin 4me at hm 2tok to me, every bit of tiredness juz wear off.. Cos it's so *zhi de*.. 2plus more wks 2seein u.. I'm so happy, so so so glad at each nightfall.. So happy 2hear yr voice at de end of line.. Yday u ask me 2put u 2slp.. I feel really xin fu.. Haha.. U gonna call me silly again ah.. >.< I miss u bao bei.. Are u dreamin of me 2nite?

My all time fav drama, cant find any show I like as much as tis.. Felt like watchin it again today but I cant find it in crunchyroll anymore!!!! Anyone who can find it, pls pls pls let me knw =(

Weird tg happened last nite.. Got 2knw 2men frm facebook.. One frm U.S says I'm pretty & keep pesterin me 2add him in MSN, de other one frm sg says I'm adorable.. I told both of them they're either blind or haf unique taste.. Or is it de "tao hua" crap? -_-""

De singaporean guy told me he's 32.. *jaw drop* I actually thot he was 24 cos he's so fit at his age.. Kinda like Alec, 6packs.. But I'm least interested with either of them.. Mayb if it's 1.5month earlier wen my perceptions r different, I'd do sm crazy stuff like tt.. De sg guy been smsin me since he woke up.. He is mushy until.... My hair stand.. Nv knw men can be so mushy -_-""

But...... My heart belongs to one..

我的整颗心只属于一个人，那就是我的宝贝的。谁也不能改变我的决定，谁也抢不走我的心。

I am so freakin tired today.. Taught non stop since 10am.. It'll go on like tt til 8th May.. But my students exam will end on 12May de latest.. Aft tt Didi promise 2go gym with me everyday.. Stress made me eat si much tis day.. Fuck.. My bao bei got accountin exam 2mrw.. So cute ah.. Wearin glasses 2let me see nw.. Cos I always find it really ke ai.. Jia you oh bao bei!!! I'm sure u can de.. Muacks.. d(>.<)b

P/S: Pei my bao bei study thou I'm nt helpin.. Hao Lei Oh........ Can I use toothpick 2pry open my eyes? But am happy.. Cos everytg is gonna be worth it.. Juz need 2bear4 3more wks.. Hehe..

De blog song "With U" is my bao bei ringtone.. Bao Bei.. Listen to de lyrics k.. Ai ni oh.. >.<

I misbehaved & made a mess of everytg.. I shall give it sm really serious tinkin.. Bao Bei.. It's true tt nobody is perfect but I shld try 2be better as well.. I love u like I always do.. And truely, deeply, madly.. Feels like chu lian, so so so so crazily in love.. Bao Bei.. 3more wks.. I'll be v patience.. Countin down de days 2havin u in my arms.. >.< Ai ni bao bei.. I go nap before tuition already.. Till u wake me up.. Muacks..

Tears fell off my face a minute ago but I din allow it to go any farther.. So tired from work & pressure is buildin.. But I'm still strong.. Thx 4huggin me & tellin me all will fall in place again.. I really hope so.. Work & de hope I build 4myself is pushin me so hard & I've fallen.. I'll stand up again 2mrw & face de new challenge.. No worries.. Juz de PMS tt's makin me so weak every mth.. I'm gonna conqueror it 1day!~

Programme 4 2mrw shall be:
Goin 4a drink with Ivy 2mrw after work.. And she's gonna meet me near my place thou she lives far far away, so nice of u.. Haha.. She's gonna make sure I drink till I drop.. LOL.. Thx ah gal.. Haven't met u for so long.. Shall haf a gd chat.. But u've 2wait for me to change.. >.< So sorry abt tt..

P/S: SyL say she shld be free next wk for her bday diner.. I put it here 2remind u.. Hope u can make it wor.. Gd luck for yr exam anyway..

Daddy pass me tis new card 2day.. Kinda like de design.. Nice..

L & F were drinkin.. F was in a dilema & was upset all day, L juz accompanied F quietly.. F got tipsy & fell aslp on de couch sittin down.. L went 2get water.. Z came.. Z hugged F.. F jumped up in shock & pushed Z away.. L came back & immediately knew who Z is, so L held F's hand & said she's F's gf.. But F wished.. Sm1 else is her gf..

Anyway, dun need to spectaculate pple, I'm still under de catagory of "single" but haf sm1 in mind.. Madly in love but... Not my style all tis while but I'm juz willin to tis time.. Good tgs are worth waitin for, yeah? But yet, at times.. Sigh..

P/S: Dun worry at all my frens & cousins.. I'm fine..

Bought po po to watch Jet Lee "Forbidden Kingdom" tonite.. She kinda enjoy it thou most of de parts were in english.. Ju came back late, went to collect de car lor.. Bought popo 2far east 2eat beef noodles.. Not bad lah.. I suddenly thot of where Esther bunny bday diner shld be at.. >>Oosh<<>.<

Bao Bei been watchin alot of shows lately.. Say she'll wait 4me 2come home but wen I called aft de movie, I could tell she's fallin aslp alr.. Den wen I called her aft I got home, she said hello, den silence................... Haha.. So I quietly put down de phone let her slp lor..

P/S: Bao Bei.. Wo ai ni..

I felt a little better aft tokin on de phone.. ^_^ De days are gettin nearer thou it is crawlin.. Cant wait for April 2come 2an end.. Cos May is de big day.. My big day.. So excited.. Phoof..

P/S: I stil love tis song.. Zhi Guai Wo.. Been a while since I last listen to it..

PMS is so terrible tis month.. So much tgs is goin through my head again.. I'm feel so upset in de nite, tink de next 2days will be worse.. Tears was in my eyes but I din allow it 2fall..

Dad scolded mum 4droppin de cup cos I din close de lid tightly.. Was so tense for 5min.. I din even react 2mum's nag 2day.. She has always feel tt I'm useless.. Wat can I say? LOL..

A fren of mine ask me juz nw.. How's "things"? All I said was "complicated".. Elaborate? Nah.. Not in de mood & notg tt I could really say.. Feel like I dun trust whoever I'm tokin to online.. Words get spread & become so exaggeratin.. De only tg I can say is.. It is complicated.. That's all..

I feel like goin 4supper, gorge myself till I drop.. But cannot lah.. DIET!!! Feel so frustrated inside.. Yday flu was invadin my organs, 2day is emotions.. Sigh.. Dun bother 2tink anymore.. Juz let it be.. It's a once a mth tg..

Nicole.. I call her CoCo Crunch.. LOL
NicoLe & Me
Forever makin me laugh.. Nv fail 2do so every lesson..
I'm always laughin over tis pic of his.. Haha.. Find it so hilarious..
Bernard sis, Bernice.. Taught her since P4, nw she's Sec 2..
Kelvin, forever hyperactive & violent..
Jun Wen.. Doesnt like 2study & v lazy..
Jun Wen's bro.. V quiet..

Taught de whole day, Bernard tired me out with 8pieces of worksheet & I thought him 3hrs straight..

Tuition time went past real fast, but de 2nd 1/2of de nite.. I duno wat's on my mind.. It's all in a whirl.. Blank actually.. I'm lost.. Over notg.................

I din like Zhang Shao Han but I like 2of her songs.. Found one but de other one cant add.. =( I always call her prawn head since sm MVP show I watched long ago.. Not de kinda gal I like.. Catchin a really nice DVD show which I've been lookin since last nite, combed 5places & finally found it 2day.. But it's not 4myself lah.. I rarely watch Taiwan show.. Haha.. My all time fav drama is stil HK's *Tang Xin Feng Bao*.. Notg can be compared to tt show sia.. Watched it like 2times, wen I've time, I'll watch it 4de 3rd time.. =) Tis Gong Zhu Xiao Mei is pretty heart warmin thou.. I like Wu Zun.. Haha.. I tink he look like those comic kinda character, very gd lookin.. He look beta wen he frown rather den smile..

I miss my bao bei so much 2day.. Had a hard time slpin cos of de bad headache.. Been 2days already.. Exam ah exam.. Wen are u goin 2b over? Wat's next wen exam is over? *wink* Cant wait!!!

Personal attack again.. Make me piss instead of guilt tis time.. I shall stop readin like u advise.. Sick yday, tryin to drown myself with loads of water cos exam is comin.. Am so busy lah.. Stress also.. But wenever I'm stress & upset, I knw u'll pull me up.. >.< Tinkin like tt, I dun feel it anymore.. LOL..

U were so cute last nite, callin me & all sad abt de bills.. I really love it.. I dun like u 2b sad, but wat happened last nite make me feel so loved.. So xin fu.. >.<

1. Things ended in an ugly way, all filled with hatred which is gd in a way I guess.. Easier for her 2move on.. Time for me to pack up my guilt & leave..
2. Baby sis, I knw wat I knw.. But do knw tt it hurt me wen I knw u behave tis way.. Cos ur hurtin me indirectly.. =( An experience in life can be exchange with money & not a lifetime regret is gd enough.. Dun tink so much.. Nobody blames u & I love u..

I thot for a long time before I decided to blog tis.. Since de start of April, so much tgs happened, I was so upset 2de max & u started to reach yr hand out & pull me up.. I've learn to be strong & open up to many pple.. Expressin myself was v tough but I am learnin.. For so long I have always been v emo & didn't feel tt I could take care of anyone.. But now, I'm stronger in a way & feel I can tk care of others & am really ready for another relationship..

Tis 2wks was really good, I felt so happy with my own decision.. We were havin de ups & de down came tis 3days, but it's up again yesterday.. I'm not waverin anymore.. Downs can be good at times cos it makes de passion grows.. 1st time I'm makin it known cos I'm very sure of myself tis time.. I love u & I'm waitin for u to be ready.. ^_^

My darlin sister had a car accident at 3.30pm today.. I was readin de passage, de 1st word was "Esther".. I was tellin my student tt is my sis name den my sms came in.. -_-"" Was it a sign?

My day today was bad at de start, I was really moody & I juz duno wat to do anymore.. But it all ended up real well.. I never had doubt abt wat had happened & thx for bein so honest with me.. I appreciate tt & tt is wat I admire.. Honesty.. I'm not de weirdest person ok.. =) I'm so happy and.. I'm happy lah.. Cos I was assured.. Thou it's stil nowhere but I'm feel safe.. ^_^

Woke up & a feelin of lost overwhelms me once again.. I knw I shldnt be feelin tis way.. I've to work 2mrw, shall go back to slp.. Anyone interested in watchin Arsenal v Man U at 11pm 2mrw? Can haf a drink as well.. =) Gimme a call before evenin, I need to come back & change..

I've settled all my things properly.. Whoever need to know anytg, I've said my piece, I'm sayin no more.. No matter wat, if u wan anytg more den friendship, I cant gif it to u.. Cos I haf already decided.. Smtg u said piss me off, I dun usually tok abt tis kinda tg on my blog but u knw who u are.. So wat if I havent haf sex for de longest time? I dun really care lor.. I knw wat I am doin & I dun intend to slp with anyone, dun even try to be funny ok.. Will juz make me run further.. U haf to face & do wat u wana do as well, tok to her & solve tgs.. Let go if u wan to, draggin on doesnt help.. Facin it is de brave factor.. I juz really wanna keep tis frenship FULLSTOP

I'm more sure den ever.. It's a NO.. My doors are closed for others.. Close for business for a long long time.. Understand? Crazy.. Nobody enters if I dun allow u to.. Even if u haf de "key", it downt work.. LOL.. So.. Des no point forcin yrself in.. I dun deny wen there're too much fear or uncertainity in me, I tend 2wonder off easily.. And........ Yes.. I dun deny I'm feelin v uncertain tis days but I'm tryin hard 2be brave & face my fears.. I choose tis path den I haf 2walk on wherever it lead me to.. Tt was de spirit FeL had 8yrs ago, it smhow got lost cos I got too exhausted after years & years of...... Now, I've picked myself up tis time & leave de past behind.. I've changed4 de 2nd time, at least 4now, but nobody can predict de future yeah? For nw, I'm stil standin strong.. Watever de outcome is, I will haf no regrets I'm sure..

For de 1st time I felt that I can be very firm.. For de 1st time I felt tt I'm really happy with myself & de tgs I do.. Even XY felt my happiness, she said I'm no longer emo, no longer gloomy like I was before.. Like I've reborned.. Trust me, I'm not attach yet but I am happy.. Very happy indeed.. Hope whoever is readin my blog stays happy.. Hope 2see my frens soon.. =o) I'll arrange k.. After my student exams, we'll go & party......... Take care..

P/S: I love u..

Esther bunny graduation is in May, so I postpone my tgs for 5 days.. She's my darlin sis & I'll not missed it no matter wat.. Went KTV w Est, Emerlyn yday.. Sang til our voice coarse.. Siao.. Den after tt went to cut hair.. Damn thin lah.. Can feel my scalp.. -_-"" But ok lah, head very light.. My hairstylist wasnt ard yday so I let de not so pretty one try cuttin.. No more next time alr.. Haha..

1. I guess it's frens no more.. I'm movin on..
2. I'm waitin for a door to be opened..
3. I've stretched out my hands like I never did before..
4. I'm sorry I din make an effort to remember but I'll try harder..

Mayb I shld juz stick around.. I'm so happy today.. I'm standin firm w de decision I made.. I feel so embarrassed slammin Alex in de face with those 3words.. Wat happen? I juz keep sayin it & de more I said de more happy I am.. Crazy.. I'm juz really happy lah.. Weird tgs been happenin tis year.. I hope de bad tgs will juz leave.. But even if it doesnt, I hope I get to keep tis one gd luck I'm havin nw..

Had a long chat with ah yi.. It turned out ok.. She din mentioned anytg bad or flare up.. I juz listened thou I wasn't focusin very much.. I duno where my soul went, I juz couldn't.. Smtg was in my mind..

Maybe I should juz.................
Maybe I should.......................
Maybe I...................................
Maybe......................................
M..............................................

I cried wen my grandma called juz nw.. She said she wan me to go back 2mrw to see her.. She misses me kinda tg.. Ask me to ignore de crazy bitch at home cos I'm visitin her beloved granny & not tt lunatic.. She said wen I dun go back, nobody goes back.. I felt so bad.. I fought back my tears & was chokin w a "ok" & "bye".. Sigh..

De China trip did me so much harm but I love my cousins.. Esp Emerlyn who gave me so much support all de way.. Thx Sam too 4listenin patiently to me over de phone wen I complain abt tgs tis whole wk too.. I'm so pressurized by de fact tt it's becomin very clear to everyone tt I'm Les.. Even Aunt Florence ask Emerlyn.. sigh.. I'm kinda piss in a way.. It's givin me so much pressure & I'm havin difficulty slpin properly tis days..

One more tg I MUST say, I'm glad u were der to pull me up whenever I'm frustrated & upset tis days.. U juz seems 2knw, I've no idea how u did it.. LOL.. U made me stronger den I was before in a way & "Through good times & bad time" is wat u always said to me.. Thank you so much.. I'll stand strong & face tt bitch 2mrw.. Through good times & bad times.. I'll always be there for u too.. We haf & we did pull each other outta de shithole we were in, hope no more bad things to come.. We haf enough.. ^_^

P/S: Mayb MJ rock & roll nite today.. Hehe..

Tis is de 1st time I feel so encouraged, I feel tt I dun look down on myself at least for 2day.. I feel really good.. Very Very Very happy indeed.. Cos tis is de 1st time someone tell me I'm glad u'r a tuition teacher.. LOL.. Thank you so much.. U've no idea wat an impact yr words haf on me..

I am not seein u cos I dun wanna make another mistake by givin u hope.. Dun haf 2gimme a time limit 2consider, cos even after June, de answer is stil no.. Leavin yr gf is stil de same.. I duno wat I wan anymore..

I cried so much tis few days.. I'm exhausted.. Totally drained..