Migrain again.. Sigh.. Would I be like Joe? His headache doesn't go away aft takin medicine, scan alr realise des a blood vessel in his brain which would burst anytime.. Like a time bomb.. Scary sia..

Mm.. We gonna haf a countdown in HK.. I'm happy we're really goin.. Gonna work extra hard nw.. I'm ulcers all over my tongue.. Is pain until..... But heart is smilin.. Haha..

Din go JB 2day.. All couldnt wake up.. Goin out 4diner, I'm not happy at tis moment.. Havin a headache & sore throat, almost fell off de stairs juz nw, not a gd day 2go out but I tink I'll go nuts if I stay home.. I need a hug.. A hug..

Baby不在我身边的第七十五天

We're goin 2HK.. YAY!! I've everytg arranged long ago but I din wanna say it cos I dun wan bb 2feel stress.. I thot if she said no, I'll go myself & not mention a word abt everytg I've done.. I haf sm Fridae frens der (havent met) & 1of them is comin 2Sg next month.. Bb dun sound excited, hope she will b wen it gets nearer.. I duno how 2hong her but I do know how 2make tgs as gd as I can.. Lately I wonder if.. I'm gd enough 2kp Bb's heart.. Feel kinda.. I duno.. Goin JB 2mrw.. Shall enjoy de day cos des 2pretty gals & 1handsome guy with me.. Haha.. >.<

Baby不在我身边的第七十四天

Been workin & workin.. Tis Monday onwards gonna work like mad again.. Tryin 2earn as much as I can 4de HK trip.. I dun1 BB 2b stress abt it.. Still haf 2pay 4drivin.. Sweat.. Load is abit heavy since I took up drivin.. Exam $$, PDL $$, Drivin $$, bills.. I am stress but wen I see de money.. I'll b happy.. ^_^ I restrain myself frm bettin 2much 2day.. But tis days I also nv bet much.. Lost a whole wk ($100+) Den tt day I was lucky.. $30 on zero goal payout was 10+++ times.. I put all in bank, left $60 to play tis wkend.. So far 2nite winnin.. Hope 2mrw win also.. Sunday gg in2 JB with Esther, Jovi & Teressa.. YAY.. Seafood feast.. >.<

Baby不在我身边的第七十天

I hate days like tis.. I feel it comin thou I'm not tinkin about it.. Tryin my best 2build a wall 2block de negative thots outside.. Mens is comin lah & I haf de same kinda feelins in me since march again.. It feels like cancer cos it's spreadin so fast & devourin me every single month.. And yet another month of "new record" of my own.. Juz wat is wrong? Why is enotions so strong at tis time & so negative.. Feel like I'm standin on an island rite in de middle of de ocean.. Isolated alone..

Lend me a hand someone..

Grab hold of me..

Baby不在我身边的第六十六天

It's amazin how I could hear my alarm tis mornin wen I only fell aslp at 6.30am tis mornin w de laptop in my hand.. Why am I wakin up so early? de last time I woke up so early was........ Can't rem.. -_-"" I woke up at 9.55am anyway, juz 2catch Li Jia Wei vs Zhang Yi Ning.. Both our players lost 2her.. Quite unlucky 2meet world no. 1 at semi final.. It was a really gd match.. Li Jia Wei haven't put up such a great performance 4so long.. Lost.. But I really like her.. Fantastic player.. Frm China? Yeah.. Juz like sm student's mum ask me "Diploma not degree?" kinda feelin.. Smtimes.. Be compassionate.. My fav quote.. I dun gif a damn.. I like her.. Fullstop..

Ah yi ask me for de 2nd time if I wanna go vancouver in Dec or March? I told her Dec I might go HK & March I'm goin Aus.. Ouch.. Yeah.. But put it on de scale.. I can earn myself & go myself next time.. Phoof.. As much as I wanna see snow again, I wanna be with my baby.. >.<

Puke again tis mornin, makes me wonder if my anxiousness 2drop weight causin harm 2my body like my fren mentioned.. I din skip meals, I din exercise much.. Juz weird tt I did lose abit of weight but not much.. Not enough yet..

Baby不在我身边的第六十四天

After so many years, catchin "Savin Private Ryan" on HBO 2day was stil as touchin as ever.. I realy love war show.. Esp tis one.. Watched it like 5times, once in Paris.. Hehe.. Wen can I go back der again? Had a long long chat with Bb, makes my whole day of sad, exhaustion, unfocus all went away.. Been a while since we last chatted like tt.. Feels sooooo good.. Stil love my baby & wish she could be back soon.. Only 3mths plus away.. Not too far alr.. >.<

Baby不在我身边的第六十三天

Phoof.. Sherry is comin 2town tis wkend.. I juz got a phone call frm her askin how am I managin w de upcomin exams.. I thot no1 will ask but thx.. Tt's juz wat I needed.. Been breathless & heartbeat is not slowin down until I get off work.. I had been tryin hard 2cover my "sign of anxiety" 4de whole wk.. And.. Yes.. U were rite.. I stil get insomia b4 de exams.. Pretty serious tis time round.. Been so many yrs & u stil rem it.. Wat is yr brain made off? >.<>

Such a tough wk esp 2day.. It was rainin hard on me.. Drenched, no time for diners til 9.30pm & I continued teachin (tremblin non stop feelin cold).. I feel like an actor at time cos I face off wen I work.. I haf a student mum tellin me de kid brain havent "kai qiao" accordin 2de GODS.. OMG.. I wanted 2slap her in de face.. She let her kid knw abt tt? And de son juz use tt as an excuse all de time wen he doesnt do well.. FUCKKKKKK... Here's another actin, I smiled wen I could feel every muscle inside me is burnin like mad.. Every1 tries 2squeeze in2 my schedule but they aint co-operatin & accomodate my time.. My temper is so bad.. So so so bad tis wk.. Oh man.. Sigh.. Everytime a car drives 2near me, I stil haf de fear & wants 2swerve away.. I knw I cant.. How am I handlin all my stress tt's buildin in me & no1 knws.. Mm.. God knws.. LOL..

3more days & I'm replacin all my slps.. I finished my 6seasons of "Sex & de city".. Now, I'm startin on "Grey Anatomy.. Hehe.. Pretty nice so far.. >.<>

Baby不在我身边的第六十天

• Mm.. Bb been sick.. Hope ur takin care.. Not much chance 2chat with u tis days..
• Anyway, 2day at sg pool, tis KPO uncle look at my bet slip & say "Xiao Mei, u crazy ah.. Why u buy Brazil vs Cameron zero goal? I told him hope exist kinda tg.. Aparently he buy Brazil win.. Haha.. In de end, duno who's de crazy one.. FT was 0-0.. Den extra time (non of my business) was 2-0.. LOL.. I won $230 with $25 for de zero goal.. Sweat big time wen cameron got a red card..
• Exam wk alr.. Damn stress.. Juz hope can win sm more $ 2nite.. No need alot, juz dun lose can alr..

I was fumin wen I came across tis forum about de debate of havin Li Jia Wei holdin our sg flag & lettin China pple rep us.. I am not a huge fan of her, I'm juz supportive 2whoever is representin my country..

Tis is discrimination.. Equally bad 2racisim.. I do joke abt them but I nv hate them or dun wan them 2exist.. Aft all, they'r humans.. We all are.. My grandparents came from China as well, so wat does tt make me? 1/2 a singaporean? Once, I met tis parents.. JUZ becos I DUN HAF a degree, de parents tink I can't teach.. I so dun agree.. Put me in a test 4teachin w a degree holder.. If I lost, den I haf notg more 2say.. I guess de results speaks.. Juz like our Singapore tennis team.. Anyway, 2me, whoever rep us, I'm all in.. I juz hope they win.. Cos de victory belongs 2Singapore..

I'll come back 2catch it live on Sunday 7.30pm.. Zhang Yi Ning is damn strong.. I juz hope they try their best.. Hope.... Isn't tt wat all human lives for? Yeah.. I haf alot of dreams & hope too.. I will strive for it.. 1stly on de list my drivin license.. I will get it before Bb graduates..

P/S: At sg pool yday, tis woman ask if I'm over 18.. I felt like havin a cub knockin onto my head.. Who is she deceivin? But it really made my day.. Cos Agnes is always sayin.. "I'm 30 alr.." She feels damn damn damn old.. Now I would say, I'm 30but dun look or feel like one.. *wink*

Baby不在我身边的第五十九天

Bb is really cute 2day.. She's sick thou.. Sigh.. So Xin Tong.. Wish I could b der 2tk care of her.. Force her 2drink water.. Am so tired tis few days, cos exams round de corner.. Gd 4my bank account & no matter how tired I am, I am H-A-P-P-Y.. Haha.. Cos I wanna brin bb 2HK & not worry abt how much 2spend der.. Bb say she wanna pay 4de hotel.. I said I wanna pay 4tickets & shoppin.. >.<

My drivin test date is set for 28th Nov, 4.30pm.. But Mr Neo said he'll try 2get October one 4me.. I hope so, juz in case (TOUCH WOOD), I fail.. I can try 1last time b4 BB come back.. But drivin is seriously expensive.. Takin part of my HK savins away, so..... I must work even harder & walk if I haf to.. eat at hm if I can.. I'll juz stay hm throughout Nov cos no more tuition.. Hehe!

I was awoken by a phone call at 2am.. But I realise I din haf 2work.. YAY.. Kinda relief cos I'm dead tired.. Sherry called frm Sydney askin if tgs were fine.. Tis chat lasted for 2hrs+!! So much complains frm me about my work & stuff.. She patiently listened like she did 6yrs ago.. Gosh.. I feel so relieved lettin them off my chest cos stress is buildin up so intensely, prelim, PSLE my Sec 2 students exams.. I smiled 4de 1st time since Sunday.. Smwhere in de conversation, I lost myself & I felt like cryin but I din.. LOL.. She promised 2call again soon & probably she'd b in Sg next wk.. Mayb I can ask her 2come along with me if I'm meetin Agnes..

And yes, sm complains info.. Fuck.. My student tink I'm a super woman.. Normal days keep cancelin my tuition, 1day before exam den die die wan me 2teach? FUCK U!!! Really.. Change my time, put it inbetween my busy schedule is crazy.. Askin 4more time is totally impossible.. 1of de students was so freakin rude.. Hit me hard on my back, I told her my shoulder juz heal, so stop it.. She said Whatever.. It's none of her business.. I was fumin & I was like smilin & I gave her loads of hmwork.. Sigh.. I hate de word "watever" 2de core.. Bb says it too, she's probably de only person 2say it & I dun flare up big time like I did 2day.. She has totally no respect 4me.. Damn.. A 12yr old kid, where de fuck did she learn tt frm? If nt 4de $, I dun haf 2b so cheap.. 2mrw is another hectic day, but I can't wait4 $$ 2come in cos my HK trip bank account are slowly buildin up alr.. ^_^ Goin or not, de $$ in der is makin me feel tt de hard work is pretty worth it.. Drivin wasn't in my schedule thou but I can stil manage..

P/S: Zann.. I'm so so so sorry.. I'll meet u 4diner once I'm done w my students k..

Baby不在我身边的第五十六天

Sigh.. Haf I done smtg stupid again? I duno how de hell a DS stick look like.. Only ask 1question &.. BOOOOM.. Nvm.. I'm 2tired 2even b angry..

Been crazy workin really hard.. Since Monday-Tuition 10am-9pm.. That night 3am-8am den aft tt went 2get my new IC at 10am.. Den I came home 2slp for 2hrs, aft tt I'm off 2work frm 2pm-10.30pm.. Juz had diner but no choice, gonna slp 4a while & it's gonna b 3am-7am.. Den tuition frm 2pm-10.30pm continues 2mrw.. Thurs would b worse, gotta teach frm 10am-2pm den do sm personal tgs den start off again frm 3.30pm-10.30pm.. Friday would b a little better, not so pack.. Tis wk till nxt Sat no off liao.. Zhen de hao lei wo......

Sick until I wanna faint alr.. Vomited early in de mornin but I stil went 4tuition.. Cannot Tou Lan.. Must work hard 2save as much as I can.. >.<

Went out with Agnes yday.. She told me her greatest secret in her life which no other pple knw.. I was kinda surprise she'd tell me her inner most secret whenever we meet(we dun meet often, once every 1/2yr) & it's always smtg others doesnt knw.. I feel pretty gd cos my frens are v comfory with me.. Like wat all shows say it's not juz black & white in tis world, des another color call grey.. I never scold no matter wat happen, whether I feel tt it's right or wrong, I'll gif supportive reasons.. I'm glad 2c tt look in her eyes & de word thank u meant quite abit 2me.. We hung out frm 8pm-12am.. Realised tt she's now Jovi's neighbour!! LOL.. Freakin funny.. She said she'll look 4me again aft she come back frm Taiwan tis Wed.. Since we're nw livin so near each other, we can meet as & wen we're both free..

Tis is Agnes.. Know her 4probably 8yrs.. Started off as PS gd fren, end up we go out behind PS's back & kept it frm her.. Reason bein, PS is 2borin & is nv understandin accordin 2her.. Haha..

Baby不在我身边的第五十三天

Arsenal spirit has surfaced again.. They were laggin behind by 2-0, I thot all was gone but I went to take Arsenal to score 3rd & 4th goal w sg pool.. Durin de 2nd 1/2, they went on 2do their best & manage 2turn de table around.. De score became 2-3.. Arsenal won.. I won.. In life, as long as we dun gif up, de path ahead is a mystery.. U nv knw wat will happen until u come 2de end of de path.. Pple.. Gd luck in watever u do & nv gif up..

Arsenal spirit.. *wink*

Was watchin my drama again & I suddenly rem 2write down wat Zann told me last wk.. Tgs tt were heard in de show, does de real world actually haf it? De most touchin words I heard last wk was "U'r such a different person frm wen I knw u 1yr ago.. U've learnt tgs frm her, I've learnt tgs frm u.. Love is able 2b selfless, not givin up & keep tryin over & over again.. I was 2agressive b4.. I'll b here 4u & I'll support u in watever u do.. I'll not gif up on u & leave.. U can do it.." Words do haf de power 2make a person feel gd & I was so touched I almost teared.. Tt's wen I start 2tell bb how I feel over de phone twice last wk.. I learnt smtg frm her as well.. Thank u.. U make me feel so important, only 1person ever made me feel tt way before..

Agnes ask me 2meet her at Serangoon MRT.. Of course I wont say no 2my prettiest fren.. LOL.. Havent meet her 4so long.. We shall haf diner & a drink after tt.. >.<

Baby不在我身边的第五十二天

It's a night tt made me feel so much love.. Bb.. Wo Ai Si Ni Le.. Our HK trip info is 80% collected, nw juz waitin 4u liao.. Anyway, I specially went 2get my PDL on de 6th, cos it's a special day 4us.. >.<>.<

I'm like mad watchin de show above.. Everyday come hm, if I'm not chatin with bb on MSN, my eyes are glued on de show.. Pretty good.. But still not as good as "Tang Xin Feng Bao".. But it's a large production.. Nice.. ~3.9stars~

Baby不在我身边的第五十一天

Went 2watch "Money not enough 2" yday.. I was so upset by de show & it affected me abit 2day.. Feelin kinda sad wen I woke up.. But I would say de show is worth at least 4star.. Pple nowadays are like tt.. Sigh.. Good show 2reflect upon myself..

Meetin Agnes 2mrw 4diner & a drink after tt, where shall we go huh? Mm.. Drinkin place u choose, dinnin place I choose.. LOL.. Mm.. Let me go shower & get my ass 2work 1st den I come back & find a nice cosy place where we could haf diner.. Wen was de last time we met? 1yr ago? I tink so...... But I'm back!!

Baby不在我身边的第五十天

一段打从心理的话

以前的我..在遇到挫折，也许会轻言放弃。
以前的我..失败了只会躲在一个角落里哭，钻牛角尖。
以前的我..从来没有那么大的毅力为了一个我爱的人去拒绝别人。
爱真的让我改变了许多。

我是人，我会痛，我仍然会难过的哭。
哭那不代表我累了，更不代表我是弱者。
哭是我发泄心痛的方法。

最近，我学会了“承担” 的意思。
做什么都可以失败，但是做人绝对不可以失败。
不管是好的，坏的，都要去承担。

有人告诉我好的人，是值得等的。
你总是说你不值得我爱，但你在我心目中，你是最好的。
爱的也只会是你一个。

Baby不在我身边的第四十九天

Had a long chat with Trina over MSN 2day.. Been a long time since we last chatted.. Only once in a blue moon probably an sms.. She asked how de sinseh was.. I told her damn pain sia.. Cos 1st time in my life I had acupuncture.. Wah lau, de one btwn my lips & nose part was pain until......... But my shoulder is beta nw.. Was bored 2tears lah.. De minute Bb dozed off, my internet down liao, so Tri & I sms instead cos I was starrin in2 thin air.. De sms were mostly abt Perth & de places we been yrs ago.. Miss de food man.. Esp wat I told everyone is best in Perth - chillie mussels!! Fuck.. Hope I can really make it in March.. Bb was like askin me 2go ahead & book de HK ticket.. Are we really gg alr? ^_^ I ask Bb 2consider properly til Sept, I dun wan her 2regret wor..

Baby不在我身边的第四十七天

I feel like I saw rainbow after de rain 2day.. Everyone knws I dun like 2tok but I said pretty much 4de 1st time in my life 2day 2bb over de phone.. I said out most of my feelins, duno if I express it well, but I tried.. Like why I wanted de license so badly.. And a disorganized person who nv ever cared abt anytg in my life has found directions.. All tis was smtg I would not haf done.. I said it out.. LOL.. It's like makin a speech back durin my school days.. Except tt I din stumble or juz look on de floor like I always did.. Why haf I become so lack of confident? I really duno.. I'm juz 2extroverted ba.. My back is not gettin beta, leadin 2a headache 2day.. Sigh.. How.. I duno.. I'm not willin 2part with my $100 on a sinseh.. I haf been so cautious with my spendin lately.. As long as I dun haf 2die frm it, I'll tolerate it 4as long as I can..

Ah Yi is gonna pay 4my drivin lessons.. I'll juz let her pay for sm lessons if I dun haf enough & I'll pay 4my exam as well.. That would be at least 1.5k extra on my side.. Haf 2be more thrifty now.. Est knw I v broke, she say she wanna pay for my sinseh cos she juz got her pay.. So sweet.. Least I nv "bai teng" tis xiao mei all tis yrs..

Finish my tuition for today.. Felt no emotions since I open my eyes tis mornin.. Loads of tgs are runnin throu my mind but I cant decide.. After tt I was only tinkin of last year's ah-mei concert.. Stil pretty sad tt I dino de ticket was out in mid July.. How could I haf not known? I'm gonna nap for an hour..

P/S: It's gettin worse, my right side can't move already.. Took me huge effort 2mark homework 2day.. Must start takin painkiller 2mrw.. I'm behind schedule by 1kg.. I lost only 2kg tis month..

Baby不在我身边的第四十六天

I seriously am beginin 2believe in retribution.. Tis days I feel really bad 2wards wat I haf done in de past.. U wont truely knw how sorry I am cos finally knw how u used 2feel wen I behaved in a certain way.. I am sorry once again.. I nv knew how u feel.. But I do nw.. Thou u'll nv forgive me but I once again told myself I will never 2tis 2 any1 else again..

5.35am

Back hurt until I wake up again.. Decided tt if it doesnt go away next wk, I'll see a doctor which will burn a hole in my pocket wen I'm tis broke(but debt free).. Phoof.. But I knw if I dun, des bound 2b accidents.. Which is less expensive huh?

I am debt free frm humanz.. I dun owe "sm1" anytg anymore & tt make me esp happy.. Der wil be no linkage btwn me & her ever again.. I hope.. Shld be happy 2day but smhow I dun feel it at all.. Cos nobody 2share it with.. Haha.. For 2day at least.. Shall spillin it over coffee 2mrw & feel gd abt it.. 1st time in my life, I did smtg gd 4myself & it's cos of her tt I wanna b a beta person..

P/S: I am damn damn damn damn damn sad de whole of last nite & de whole day 2day, dino ah-mei had an encore concert tour in Oct & ticket is out long ago in July.. Nw de seats is left with freakin bad one.. I am in such a huge disappointed mood.. U guys knw how big a fan I am.. And I actually missed it?! Wont go alr since I cant get de best seat.. Sigh.. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK..

Baby不在我身边的第四十五天

Gavin sis suddenly ask if I haf a gf.. I dino how 2answer, so I juz smiled.. LOL.. It's de 2nd time in my life tt I'm speechless.. I can't get de word outta my mouth, so I juz keep quiet.. LOL.. EnDe pop out a "Ta Hen Li Hai De Lor".. I was like -_-""" Wat sia.. He juz nv believe tt I've changed.. Who had been tellin him abt me huh.. See lah.. I got a fixed image in pple's mind liao.. I dun deny I was a jerk b4.. But at tis point of time, I'm de purest of de purest.. LOL.. Wat shit.. Unless my bb dun wan me anymore den mayb I'll become de FeL I used 2b ba.. I duno.. Who can tell wat'll happen in future.. I mean I do waver frm time 2time but I'm still pretty firm till nw.. I knw I only wan my baby..

Only wan my baby..