Shld I say Happy New Year? Mine's not.. Woke up at 5pm cos mahjong til damn late.. My bb smells nice & de day felt ok at 1st.. Until I went to de KTV & *he* decided to join us.. Amelia had alr told him tt she'll go hm w him so tt we can continue to sing happily.. Den *he* (FUCKIN HELL, pardon me but I'm really piss..) STILL came down & sat his ass down to sing.. I was so piss I went off.. I dun sing infront of outsiders.. Ask me to sit der & entertain him?? I got beta things to do..

1stly, sittin down if he dun tok to me, I'll kp quiet.. He came & say sm dunno wat, so piss off I stood up & walk away.. Thot could be a small gatherin & sing cos I've been wantin to sing many days ago.. All SCREWED UP & every1 present was sooooo upset!!! Be it alive or be it dead.. None of my concern from tis v sec.. Fuckin @^%#$#^%@!$#^%$@! I'm piss WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Freakin slpy but wanna write down a few things which happened for de past few days..

*Ying's dad past away.. Sigh.. Was pretty sad.. I do love tis fren of mine & I hope she'd get over it.. Missed de old times back in SJC, so fun & every1 seemed so close.. Missed de time when we went Paris..

*Bb bought me a rifle lighter when we were walkin ard in chinatown today.. Not tt I'm not happy, I'm *xin teng* for de amount tt was spent on me.. I nv really like to spend on me.. I rather use de $$ to brin u go eat nice food & see yr face lit up & droolin over de food.. But..

Baby.. I love u.. So much.. So much..

Yr fav words frm me tis days is *Qiu Qiu Ni* den I gif a v innocent face.. Haha.. Wonder how u stand me at times.. So crazy.. Yet so dull at times.. >.<

Bu xiang Zhang Da - S.H.E

Wo Bu xiang Bu Xiang Zhang Da, Zhang Da Hou Jiu Mei Tong Hua.. Tis sentence sosuit me.. Love de song lately.. So true tt when we grow up.. Des so much prob tt come one aft de other..

Lately life filled with ups & downs, esp emotions.. Feel so suffocated.. Cant breathe.. Constantly feelin drained over thing I haf not done & *suppose* to do.. Life is sucky & make me feel like goin into hiddin..

Wo Bu xiang Bu Xiang Zhang Da.. Wo Bu xiang Bu Xiang Zhang Da0.. Wo Bu xiang Bu Xiang Zhang Da.. Wo Bu xiang Bu Xiang Zhang Da.. Wo Bu xiang Bu Xiang Zhang Da.........

*Why do I exist?* I asked myself tt question again.. But I din allow myself to slip into depression like I did 2yrs over sm huge blow I got.. Dun wan to be visitin de doctors again.. I lost myself durin tt 5min.. De question juz kept surfacin in my mind.. Bb kept callin me over at de other end of de phone line but I couldnt hear a tg.. Doc once told me once sm1 haf depression, it'll kp comin back cos it's inside a certain part & human tend to escape.. We've to depend on our own determination & strong grip to prevent it frm happenin again..

Suddenly a door surfaced in my head.. I pulled de handle & tried 2close it back, a hand grabbed onto it.. Weird right? But tt was really goin through my mind.. Den I snapped back & took a few long deep breath.. I told myself to stop it.. Hope it'll go away & not linger ard.. By den, bb was alr outta her hse.. Haha.. I must haf really scare her.. But I'm glad I did it, I din allow myself to fall in.. I wanna go to my UK trip nxt year & I must.. >.<

Went to Rita der to cut hair last nite.. Goin to color my hair again either Monday or Tues.. Aft tt went KTV again w baby & PS.. Sang for de 2nd time infront of bb.. Hehe.. Smtimes I tink I sound terrible but bb say sm songs I sing nice.. >.< Stupid KTV got a sharp nail in de sofa.. Cut my hand on it when I leaned on de sofa & all they did was got sm1 to take out de nail & nv even apologize.. It's always when I get hurt, I'll nt be bothered w it.. But if it's bb, I'm rather 101% sure I'll tell them off..

Bb cook for me on Thurs, got pepper beef, Seafood cheese bake rice, mash cheese potato & clam chowder.. All my fav.. Bb.. U make me so touched, so close to tears each time thou I dun show it.. *wink wink* Nobody can compare de amount of love u gif me.. Serious.. Nv felt so loved by sm1, nv knew I could be so important to sm1.. Always thot I was so insignificant.. Always thot my existence was worth notg.. But now.. U made de difference.. U.. made.. me.. feel.. alive.. once again.. o[>.<]o

Baby always go all out to care abt pple ard me.. She dun juz say it, she do it.. Like when she overheard tt peishan job is not enough for her survival, she call Jie Ru & ask if her company need a post.. I've given de e-mail to peishan alr.. Whether she go for it or not, it's her decision liao, but de thots is so sweet.. Baby, u make me feel so touch over & over again.. I love u frm deep within me.. Thx bb.. For lovin me & pple ard me.. My sis love u too.. Muackz.. >.<

Juz came back frm gentin.. De weather so dry tat me & bb lips so uncomfortable.. Saw Trina & Jayme der as well.. Din say hi thou.. And I realise she went der on purpose cos she knew I was der..

De weirdest tg at gentin was tis stupid guy.. He came knockin on our door at 9am in de mornin lookin for ALAN.. I suspect he was knockin on de wrong door lah!!! Stupid.. He almost crash our door down & bb was so scared.. By de time, I found my clothes (Haha!!!) & all ready to open de door & gif him a scoldin, he was gone..

Sang for de 1st time to bb.. So shy.. She like my *Xiang Shuo* & *Wo Shi Bu Shi Gai An Jing De Zou Kai*.. She say super nice.. Hehe.. *Blush* I teared when I sang *Ye Die*.. It's not becos of anytg, it's juz tt past memories came back.. I felt so stupid aft tt.. Felt so sad tt I made bb angry.. Bb.. Trust me.. I love u..

I so look forward to our UK trip in Dec.. Now juz haf to work v v v v hard.. Hehe.. I've 1student less nxt year but pay stil de same cos I increase de amt until can balance last yr.. Den can spend more time w bb..