The same feelin of insecurity is der again.. Is it my depression tt's makin my mind run wild? I keep tellin tt devil's voice 2go away.. Keep playin gunbound wenever I'm free bt I can't stop tinkin.. I probably need 2slim down alot 2regain my confident.. Sigh.. So stress tt I couldn't & dare not eat much tis few days.. 2day I dun even feel hungry.. Beta get dwn 2sm gym tis wkend.. I can feel tt my slimin madness is comin back again.. I hate tis feelin.. I become v.obsess in it kind.. Cheer up man!! =o:::(

Me & Dar almost broke up.. But she suddenly ok liao.. Mm.. I also knw my temper v.bad.. Sorry k.. Tsk.. So slpy.. 2mrw gotta go dentist.. Yawn..

Been so busy tis few days.. For wat I also dunno.. Juz movies & coffee, if not juz go eat & eat.. LOL.. Going out 2have lunch with my fren soon.. Mmm.. Havin stomach upset.. But.. Tsk.. Too lazy 2stay hm.. Wah hahhaa..

Too lazy 2go out.. My *over-active* tooth broke in2 1/2, I might juz abstract it out & leave it hollow.. Sounds gross but might as well face d fact tt I'm old liao.. Haha.. Din even eat anytg since I woke up, except for drinkin water lah.. I feel so stress, tink I'm too fat liao, tt shld b d course of my depression.. So shld juz starve myself 2reduce my appitite cos it increase tremendously since I came back frm tour.. Time 2slim down.. It's now or never alr.. I alr so ugly den if I get any fatter, jia liat liao.. Hehe.. Mm.. Whole day playin gumbound.. Tink I'm addicted alr..

Well.. Tis new yr is boring.. Did notg but eat & slp.. Went to watch *Silver Hawk* 2day aft visitin.. sian.. 7.19am & I can't slp.. Miss the days in Vancouver.. Was much happier.. Miss the snow.. Sigh.. Had a big arguement with her.. Hate it wen I'm force 2say tgs I dun feel like.. Maybe nxt time, I shld learn 2keep my moods & put up another face.. Hack it.. Workin again on Monday.. Yawn.. Might juz go mm & slack later 2nite or majong at hm..

Went out 2have a hair cut den met my sis for a movie at Ps.. After tt went walk walk at PS & Taka.. Den Newton 2buy pepper crab + mussels 4our diner at 11pm.. Haha.. Sigh.. I lendin $2K to Dar's best fren so I have 2b more thrifty.. I trust her thou & she helped me wen I was in the lowest peak of my life.. Wanted 2walk hm aft meetin Dar yet she pass me $10 2tk cab.. So silly yet so sweet.. Hehe.. Xiao Jason, we going mm on *Chu Er* rite? But u can't go in.. How ah? Tsk..

Been havin depression 4days.. Sat der watchin d stars & cry.. Wanted 2hurt myself but remembered tt I promise darLin I won't hurt myself again.. Morever her dad found out abt us 2day.. Wat to do? I pre10 2b calm cos dar is cryin.. My heart so pain.. Wish I can go over & wipe the tears away..

DarLing.. No matter wat.. I've set my mind on spendin d rest of my life with u esp after I came back.. Even if we can't meet everyday, can't stay over.. I'll still love u.. Let yr dad cool down 1st k.. If he cuts yr allowance, u still have me, I can starve but I won't let u starve.. *pullin my ear* Dar.. Mm.. Sorry.. I smoked at hm 2day.. Too stress alr.. Sigh.. I miss u..

Suddenly felt tt I'm v.fortunate.. DarLing.. I miss u so much.. We had so much arguement b4 u came back.. Break up so many Xs.. But.. U din give up.. U changed so much u knw tt? I thot u'll juz let go wen I say let's break up.. But instead.. Wen u came back, u treat me extra nice..
U keep askin wat I like abt u.. Mm.. I like yr sweet attitude wen u're in love.. Yr nt givin up.. Yr persistent.. Hehe.. Make me feel important.. But we balance alr rite? In the past.. After so long, I knw u're still d 1 who treats me d nicest.. U nv left me wen I wanted 2.. I'm still learnin alot of tgs.. I hope we'll last.. Really hope so.. *blush*

Sigh.. Who was the creator of emotions? Hate disappointment esp.. My whole heart like drop to the rock bottom.. FeeL so.. Whole day mood also no more.. Yday say wanna come my house watch TV with me.. New Year is comin also.. Dun like.. A time where I can watch movie.. But alone.. Sigh.. Every1 busy bai nian except me.. Only Chu Yi visiting den other 2days doing notg.. Dunno if Xiao Jason can accompany me..

Receive a msg last nite.. Hurt me to the max.. It's my fault.. No matter how I tried & care, it's no use.. Guess I've given up.. If only we can still be frens.. Believe it or not.. I wish her all the best in her future, happy & healthy..

心里有一个令我十分牵挂的人，不知道她现在过的好吗?好多次想找她，却害怕收到她冷漠的回答。我的关心在她眼里，只不过是虚情假意罢了。心好痛，真真正正感觉到无法呼吸。。若当初选择了另一条路，也许今天，我们会是最要好的朋友，也许她也不会恨我，也许她还会让我关心她。。太多的也许。。但。。我真心祝福她会永远快乐，健健康康。是我咎由自取啦！吵死人了！我已为她许了个愿。。。。。该睡了啦，明天要教书哪！新的一天，新的开始！

I guess nobody knows I'm actually very affected by Anita's death.. It hurts so much each time I read her news.. Esp 2mrw.. She'll be gone forever..I tear so much 2day.. Each time I tink of her.. Sm1 who I like alot.. I dun even know why I'll feel so sad over a star.. She's indead special.. 谢谢你曾经陪我走过的日子。愿你来生过得好，真心祝福你。

Went to a hotel with darLing last nite at 1am.. Ah ahhaha.. We're nuts.. LOL.. Juz wan sm private time for ourselves.. Cos everytime I'm at her place, her mum is der.. Sigh.. I've made up my mind.. I wan her in my life for as long as possible.. Before the trip, the scarf has made me so moved.. After Anita's death, I felt that I've to treasure my loved ones.. Sigh.. Life is so unpredictable..

I'm finally back in Sg.. Sigh.. 1st day & I nv go home liao.. Wonder wat my mum tinks.. Must be hopping mad.. Had hell loads of trouble at the custom man.. All becos of a pistol lighter.. Hehe.. But the nice counter gal help us through.. Phew.. Gotta know a gal who resembles Anita at a nite market.. We were queuing for dou hua den she turn ard.. Suddenly she juz commented tat my eyes are very big & nice.. LOL.. So we exchange number also dunno for wat.. She's 33 but pretty cool.. Anyway, tink she's straight.. Haha..

I was in Xi Men Ding again last nite.. Bought sm stuff, walk around with the cute auntie.. Den there was a big crowd smwhere so we walk over to see.. The auntie ask a gal why so happening.. It was F4.. But we din really wanna stay so we walk off.. To avoid the crowd, we walk frm a corner den tis guy, 2gether with 4other person brush past.. I look up & it was Jerry Yan Cheng Xu.. Not bad.. He's quite gd looking.. He was wearing all black & black cap too.. Dashing.. Dear.. U like him rite? Sigh.. U shld have come with me.. I bet u'll pounce on him kind.. Hehe..

I went to the *shi ling ye shi* (biggest nite market) last nite.. It was damn crowded.. Taiwan is not bad but I prefer Vancouver snow.. The weather & air is much beta.. Still abit of Jet Lag.. Sian.. My sis & cousin going back today.. Miss them man.. Sigh.. Saw F4 Zai Zai at a Taipei shopping mall.. Got sm kinda mini concert kind.. I bought Anita Mui *Nu Ren Hua*.. It's nice man.. But can't find her HK concert VCD.. Tsk.. Dunno have or not.. Den got a few CD also trying to find.. All outta stocks.. Sigh.. Everytime I tink of her & listen to her cd.. My heart twitch.. I'm so fortunate to have sm1 to love me & I love now.. Sigh..

Will be going to zouk les party on the 15th.. DarLing.. Got any date alr? If not, we go? Sorry for not calling or sms u wor.. So difficult here.. No PC man.. I made a string of plan with Sam leh.. Wen we go back, we doing gym at least once a wk den she come play basketball on a wkend den I teach her chinese.. She's so sweet tt day.. She walk off herself den I almost freak out.. Scolded her wen I found her cos I was so scared leh.. Den she hand me the earring which I lost, she bought it!! Sigh.. So sweet.. I was so embarrassed man.. No wonder so many gals like her.. I also very *teng* her.. Stop being so sweet lah xiao jason.. ;p

**Written on 1st Jan but couldn't update..**

I arrive in Taiwan yday.. It snowed heavily in Vancouver make it so
difficult for me to go.. Sigh.. I miss every1 der.. I miss the
aunty.. At least she's been nice.. My sis eyes got problem.. Tink she
got sensitive to the snow.. My cousin toe swollen.. I love the snow..
DarLing.. We must go to smwhere snowing nxt time k.. It'll be damn
romantic to kiss on the snow leh..

Last nite our Taiwan relative made us steamboat.. The weather is
fine.. 20'C.. Abit hot but they wrap themselves & tink that we're
damn cool to wear so little.. The stupid bed got bed bug so we use
our own blanket we brought from Vancouver as the bed cover.. 2nite
going to night flea market.. Hehe.. I wanna eat *chou dou fu*!!!